On this night, Christmas Eve Eve, as we celebrated the birth of our Savior with the Cook side of the family, my father-in-law went to meet Christ in glory.
He had been sick, but death wasn't on our radar. He'd been in bed sleeping that day, but we had no idea he wouldn't wake up, on this night, the night we've celebrated Christmas together as a family since I've been in the family.
God is sovereign. I must remember, God is sovereign.
This is us on the way to Mimi and Poppy's house that night. You can see the joy in our eyes as we anticipated the Christmas celebrations to come, this being our first stop of the weekend.
We cooked steaks on the grill as is our tradition, ate, cleaned up, read and acted out the Christmas Story, opened gifts, ate dessert, and began to gather our things to head back home. Zach had checked on his dad earlier in the evening, but went to check on him again before we left. Me and my kids were in the kitchen close to the back door. I saw Zach emerge from the hallway with a look of fear on his face. I knew something must be terribly wrong.
I immediately picked up barefoot Jonah and Georgia and sat them on the back step as I gathered a few things and yelled for Zach's sister who was just pulling out of the driveway. I ran back inside to grab my keys and phone and loaded the kids up in the car, trying to remain calm on the outside, all the while shivering on the inside. I called my parents to come get my children, grabbed my nephews and loaded them up inside my car, too.
I kept quoting the only Scripture that I could recall in that moment which was the verse from that morning's sermon, "Thank you God for this indescribable gift." 2 Corinthians 9:15. I was praising Him for His gift in the midst of despair. It kept me calm. Because Jesus was born as our Savior and Poppy trusted in Him, at that moment, he was then beholding that indescribable gift of eternal life with Christ.
The kids all knew something was wrong. I began to pray for "Poppy." Jonah said, "I am worried." I reminded him that God says we are supposed to pray when we are tempted to worry. He prayed and thanked God for Jesus and "being so patient with us." The ambulance pulled up about as soon as my parents did. Jonah got in the car with them and said, "I think Poppy is in heaven, but the ambulance is going to try to take him to the hospital to make him better."
{Art Therapy} I have had this picture in my mind for over a week and had to get it out of my system. This is how I was feeling that night in that very moment, torn between my hurting grieving husband inside and trying to protect my children from the sadness and hurt that seems to come too soon in life for little ones these days.
I did the best I could to surrender to the Spirit and allow Him to calm and lead me in the midst of an unexpected situation. No one but the Lord could have prepared me for how to handle something like this.
My parents took the kids home with them, I went inside and sat at my father-in-law's bedside with my arms around my husband and mother-in-law as they wept. We stayed until 3:30 a.m. or so and awoke the next morning and the morning after that in a daze and questioning did this really happen?
We celebrated Christmas Eve at my parents and tried to keep things as normal as we could for our children. We didn't break the news to Jonah about Poppy until Christmas day. It took his breath when we told him and he confessed that that was VERY sad. He was concerned that Zach didn't have a dad anymore. He also said he wanted to get Poppy down from heaven. We've had lots of opportunities to talk about the finality of death with him, which is not easy for a four year old to understand.
The next day Jonah got the snow he'd been praying for. (Can't you see the grief in his eyes?)
We prepared for the visitation and funeral. Zach preached the funeral. I have never been so proud of him. I have so many memories and "God winks" from the whole experience that I am treasuring in my heart. Too many blessings to share here for sure.
After the post funeral lunch, we went to the grave site. Jonah knows nothing about burial. I don't want him to know that yet. We wanted to keep the kids in the car, but Jonah saw Zach and Mimi "picking flowers." He wanted to join them, so I felt that would be good for him to do, even though he didn't know where we were.
This post may make no sense or seem kind of stream of consciousness, but I had to get it out of my system. Grief is funny for the creative side of me. It seems to zap every bit of drive I have to work with my hands or do anything productive. We just feel like we are going through the motions. I appreciate your patience with me as we adjust to our new normal and we appreciate your prayers.
A short testimony about prayer before I go...
I have prayed for families who have been struck by tragedy. Many times I've prayed for families I barely knew because I was so burdened for them, I couldn't get them off my mind. This time, I am in the middle of a tragedy, but the burden feels light and shared. It feels even lighter than when I've been burdened for others I barely know. Why is that?
I believe it is because God has got us on your minds and you are lifting us up in prayer. I am experiencing the peace and fruitfulness of faithful prayer warriors all around us who have been storming heaven on our behalf. I now know for sure that when God has got YOU on my mind, I must pray for you. That's one way He works His Spirit in us to lighten each other's loads.
My faith is strengthened each time we receive a text or call from someone who says, "I can't get you off of my mind."
I am thankful to have had "Mr. Charlie" in my life since I was fifteen and treasure the prayers he prayed for me and mine. He loved BIG.
He loved his Lord BIG.
He loved his wife BIG.
He loved his kids BIG.
He loved his grandkids BIG.
He loved his daughter-in-law and son-in-law BIG.
He was loved much by Zach, Jonah, Georgia, and myself. No one or thing will ever be able to replace him. I am thankful his prayers are eternal (Revelation 5:8) and his legacy will live on through our branch of his family tree. (See note below from my 30th birthday).
What a beautiful entrance to heaven your father-in-law enjoyed - with all his family gathered in the next room celebrating the coming of the Lord - he felt safe to come to the Lord. Do not be afraid to explain the burial to Jonah. First of all his is filled with more wisdom at 4 years old than many adults. And in about 8 weeks, he will hear the story of the death, burial and Resurrection of His Savior. Easter will be even more meaningful for him this year.
Posted by: Lulu | January 06, 2013 at 03:15 PM